Wednesday, May 06, 2009

oh mother!

I'm not really sure I believe in Mother's Day. I was that kid who asked every year when "Kid's Day" was only to have to same rote answer repeated annually that "EVERY DAY IS KID'S DAY." I have to admit that I now sort of understand why it wasn't a funny question in the first place. My own mother was so disenchanted with the entire concept that she specifically requested to work on the day while we went to my Dad's childless Great Aunt Ruby's for brunch. Looking back I'm pretty sure she was disenchanted with my Dad's family, but at the time it seemed really weird to be motherless on Mother's Day. In our very mother-heavy household Mother's Day has meant getting out of town for the past 5 years. Problem solved! We were happy mothers and the kids were clueless. That worked until last year when the sight of a family bbq/pancake breakfast clearly in honor off all the wonderful, loved mothers in the large and very happy family made me burst into tears at a Tahoe City playground. Something was missing. I wanted that - whatever it was that family had. That's what I wanted. I almost walked over and sat down at one of their picnic tables just to soak up all the mother worship that was swirling around the lovely lot of them. I settled for a strong cocktail with a view of the Lake and that was nice too. I keep thinking about the year BabyQ was 2 and my Gram mailed him an envelope with a twenty dollar bill and a note saying "buy your moms a pizza for Mother's Day." Man, I wish I'd kept that note. I miss her like crazy. If she were still alive I don't think it would be so easy to hit the road and pretend like it's not Mother's Day just so I don't have to deal with juggling my family, my mom, my step-mom and my very own childless great aunt. All of whom have individual needs and expectations around this most Hallmark of days. Not to mention my own obviously deeply buried feelings about that big, happy extended family pancake picnic with all the lovely balloons. Did I mention the balloons and the smell of maple syrup wafting through the pine trees?

{photo via danske on flickr}